Sometimes,
I feel like the loneliest person in the world.
mamee says I should be more open-minded.
And i wonder... what does that mean?
Sometimes,
I walk along the road, thinking,
thinking.thinking, thinking
and nothing makes sense of my thoughts.
Sometimes,
I ask myself why i even bother to think at all?
Because loneliness catches up with you
And you just wind up being lonelier than ever.
Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes.
Each agent, wittingly or unwittingly, is a producer and reproducer of meaning... it is because subjects do not know what they are doing that what they do has more meaning than they know. --- Bourdieu---
Friday, February 26, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
It doesn't get any clearer than this.
I had a yummmyylicious dinner with my girls today, and steamboat was super healthy. Full of veggies and more veggies! nothing fried.. haha
and the best part is, THERE'S CHILLLI!!
Thanks for the yummy soup and chiili hanney, and to ronny for having us over!
So, I was thinking about guys. And after some animated conversation we girls decided that guys are a totally different breed of human beings. Something is just wayyy weird in their hardwire, or data storage, or whatever mechanical/technical/static term u can come up with. And i will not be sexist. I know girls have their own code and language too. Like some morse code that only we know and can decipher.
So, I guess the best way to get any bloody message across is to be as BLUNT and STRAIGHT TO THE POINT as possible. A pretty different way from how i was brought up to be tactful and courteous. whatever. if it works.
THE FOLLOWING CONTENTS BELOW ARE FROM ASKMEN.COM, AND IT IS FUCKING CLEAR.IN OTHER WORDS, IF I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE CONTENTS TO ANYONE, YOU OUGHT TO TAKE ENGLISH LESSONS. GO BACK TO MISS TAN IN PRIMARY SCHOOL AND BUCK UP ON YOUR COMPREHENSION OR VOCAB SKILLS.
What Women Want from Men: 50 Things She Wishes You Knew. Universal truths that all men should--but don't--understand
1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.
2. Real men drive stick shift.
3. I will leave if you lie.
4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.
9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
11. I expect you to call me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
13. I'm scared of losing my independence.
14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)
17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a.) ...having a fat day. b.) ...not feeling "connected" to you. c.) ...blackmailing you to get something I want.
18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.
20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
30. I want to be Madonna.
31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.
32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.
37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....
38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
41. I love it when you're sweaty.
42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
44. I like porn.
45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
49. I remember everything about our relationship.
50. You should know all this and more without my telling you.
and the best part is, THERE'S CHILLLI!!
Thanks for the yummy soup and chiili hanney, and to ronny for having us over!
So, I was thinking about guys. And after some animated conversation we girls decided that guys are a totally different breed of human beings. Something is just wayyy weird in their hardwire, or data storage, or whatever mechanical/technical/static term u can come up with. And i will not be sexist. I know girls have their own code and language too. Like some morse code that only we know and can decipher.
So, I guess the best way to get any bloody message across is to be as BLUNT and STRAIGHT TO THE POINT as possible. A pretty different way from how i was brought up to be tactful and courteous. whatever. if it works.
THE FOLLOWING CONTENTS BELOW ARE FROM ASKMEN.COM, AND IT IS FUCKING CLEAR.IN OTHER WORDS, IF I EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE CONTENTS TO ANYONE, YOU OUGHT TO TAKE ENGLISH LESSONS. GO BACK TO MISS TAN IN PRIMARY SCHOOL AND BUCK UP ON YOUR COMPREHENSION OR VOCAB SKILLS.
What Women Want from Men: 50 Things She Wishes You Knew. Universal truths that all men should--but don't--understand
1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.
2. Real men drive stick shift.
3. I will leave if you lie.
4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).
5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.
6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.
9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.
10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.
11. I expect you to call me.
12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.
13. I'm scared of losing my independence.
14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.
15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card.
16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)
17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a.) ...having a fat day. b.) ...not feeling "connected" to you. c.) ...blackmailing you to get something I want.
18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.
19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.
20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.
21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.
22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.
23. You should never tell me what to do.
24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.
25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.
26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.
27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.
28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.
29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.
30. I want to be Madonna.
31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.
32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.
33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.
34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.
36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.
37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....
38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.
39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.
40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.
41. I love it when you're sweaty.
42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.
44. I like porn.
45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.
47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...
48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.
49. I remember everything about our relationship.
50. You should know all this and more without my telling you.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
untitled
I was sitting in my room today, staring at the 30-page psychological review paper in Times New Roman font size 8, and thinking, why on earth am I studying on a Chinese New Year holiday?
Because I have 2 tests on Thursday, and a business essay due on Friday. And then, I would need to rush home to prepare the slides for my presentation, and be ready for the group meeting in less than 24hours.
And I only have 2 days left to study, with 10 more such articles to look through, and 2 entire textbooks to swallow.
So, as my eyes skimmed across the tiny columns of words in the academic article and threatened to overspill overdued tears of frustration, I told myself, suck it up girl, you aint got no choice.
So I took a short nap after a while, admidst the heat of the afternoon, and realized what a big mistake it was. I don't know if its just me or what, but sleeping under disgustingly HOT conditions brings nightmares. So i tossed about fitfully in my sleep, and just as I felt myself drifting off to sleep, somehow, something just made me bolt back to reality and then i have to try to fall asleep all over again.
And that stupid cycle repeated about 4 times within an hour. I was so pissed, because i couldn't even take a simple nap. Someone up there hates me.
And when I do finally sleep, I had a freaking irritating nightmare that seemed so real. There was blood and gore in it, and weirdly enough, I could feel the pain that was inflicted on me in the nightmare. But it wasnt just the physical pain of a knife dragging across my palm and the spray of blood across my lap, but the emotional pain i felt that made me so suffocated.
Thankfully, or not, I jerked awake when i heard my brother's voice somewhere in the house. Thank you for having such a loud voice little bro. I was so disoriented when i woke up, my shirt soaked with sweat, and my eyes frantically searching for something. I think i was looking for a little boy whom i was protecting in my nightmare. Ha ha ha..
After finding the strength to drag myself out of bed, i saw a small ray of light peeking out of my curtains, and when i drew them back, i was pleasantly surprised to see a pink and blue sky dotted with little fluffy clouds.Suddenly, everything looked so..... serene. It was as though hell spat me out from its bowels and back onto earth. Mummy asked me to collect dinner from my grandma, and i was glad to find an excuse to get out of the house. Because i love the evening, and i think i really needed a nice quiet walk.
There's just something about the setting sun and the colours of the sky that soothes the nerves. Not to mention the lovely breeze and the rustle of the leaves. Looking up at the tiny square piece of sky that is uninhibited by HDB flats is... orgasmic. Haha.. I dunno why. But it just feels that way.
It just reminds me that tmr i will see the same thing again because life goes on( unless i die anytime btw now and then), and I have no reason to remain trapped in time, tormented by hopeless nightmares.
I can't wait for my holiday! One more week! Suck it up, girl.
Because I have 2 tests on Thursday, and a business essay due on Friday. And then, I would need to rush home to prepare the slides for my presentation, and be ready for the group meeting in less than 24hours.
And I only have 2 days left to study, with 10 more such articles to look through, and 2 entire textbooks to swallow.
So, as my eyes skimmed across the tiny columns of words in the academic article and threatened to overspill overdued tears of frustration, I told myself, suck it up girl, you aint got no choice.
So I took a short nap after a while, admidst the heat of the afternoon, and realized what a big mistake it was. I don't know if its just me or what, but sleeping under disgustingly HOT conditions brings nightmares. So i tossed about fitfully in my sleep, and just as I felt myself drifting off to sleep, somehow, something just made me bolt back to reality and then i have to try to fall asleep all over again.
And that stupid cycle repeated about 4 times within an hour. I was so pissed, because i couldn't even take a simple nap. Someone up there hates me.
And when I do finally sleep, I had a freaking irritating nightmare that seemed so real. There was blood and gore in it, and weirdly enough, I could feel the pain that was inflicted on me in the nightmare. But it wasnt just the physical pain of a knife dragging across my palm and the spray of blood across my lap, but the emotional pain i felt that made me so suffocated.
Thankfully, or not, I jerked awake when i heard my brother's voice somewhere in the house. Thank you for having such a loud voice little bro. I was so disoriented when i woke up, my shirt soaked with sweat, and my eyes frantically searching for something. I think i was looking for a little boy whom i was protecting in my nightmare. Ha ha ha..
After finding the strength to drag myself out of bed, i saw a small ray of light peeking out of my curtains, and when i drew them back, i was pleasantly surprised to see a pink and blue sky dotted with little fluffy clouds.Suddenly, everything looked so..... serene. It was as though hell spat me out from its bowels and back onto earth. Mummy asked me to collect dinner from my grandma, and i was glad to find an excuse to get out of the house. Because i love the evening, and i think i really needed a nice quiet walk.
There's just something about the setting sun and the colours of the sky that soothes the nerves. Not to mention the lovely breeze and the rustle of the leaves. Looking up at the tiny square piece of sky that is uninhibited by HDB flats is... orgasmic. Haha.. I dunno why. But it just feels that way.
It just reminds me that tmr i will see the same thing again because life goes on( unless i die anytime btw now and then), and I have no reason to remain trapped in time, tormented by hopeless nightmares.
I can't wait for my holiday! One more week! Suck it up, girl.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Literacy constipation
Gah. Havr to write a memo. By tonight. So uninspired sia. Been hearing some songs over and over again ( other than Tokio Hotel) and Leona Lewis' Happy got stuck in my head.
Someone once told me that you have to choose, What you win or lose,
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances, Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain, Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side, And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge, My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy.
Looking forward to week 8.. term break. and get the first air/water/space ticket out of singapore. Its so stifling here.
Someone once told me that you have to choose, What you win or lose,
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances, Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain, Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side, And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge, My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy.
Looking forward to week 8.. term break. and get the first air/water/space ticket out of singapore. Its so stifling here.
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