I hope my cough goes away soon. There's about a month to go before school reopens.. and already the bidding is giving me a headache. Never imagined that i had to go to round 3 of bidding just to get the darn lesson. Damn sickening. Im paying premium fees of what, close to S$10,000 a year and here i am worrying that i can;t even get to ATTEND class. what shit.
summer holiday is coming to an end.. so sad. =( im coming up with a list of places i wanna go before i start school and exams.. some really weird ones but oh well. i just hope i get healthy enough to last half a day without dozing off. the past few bed-ridden days have been depressing. nothing much i can accomplish with a semi-conscious mind and body.. so a typical sick day is like this:
12 noon: wake up, have a banana or some bread that might turn mouldy soon
1-3pm: check emails, play games
3-6pm: eat some porridge and then sleep.and sleep.and sleep some more.
6-8pm: wake up, drink water. go back and sleep
8-10pm: watch a bit of TV, have dinner
10-1am plus: play com games, listen to songs, do some self reflection, literally in the mirror, and moan over the pimples.
what a sad life right?
hmm.. im starting to feel better. managed to go to school today to configure my laptop. Gonna go to the spca tmr for another session with the kitties..
lately this song has been playing on my head. for some reason.
< I stay in Love>
Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive
If you dont' know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts and minds
And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you
It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now
Hey, what I wanna do is
Ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone
Although I know
We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you
I think Mariah Carey had a great voice.. if only she doesn't act so.. bimbo. haha..And i think im suffereing from dysthymia. >.< could be a side effect of being sick for sooo long.. Acck...
Each agent, wittingly or unwittingly, is a producer and reproducer of meaning... it is because subjects do not know what they are doing that what they do has more meaning than they know. --- Bourdieu---
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Flu season.. when will it ever end?
I am soooooooooooooooooo sick of falling sick. Sigh.
Took my temperature on Monday night. 37.9 C. Nick took one look at my thermometer and started making a lot of noise.. even in the bathroom i caught words such as 'quarantine', "H1N1", "spread germs".... >.< SO i took 2 panadols and went to sleep.Woke up on tuesday morning feeling good enough to walk the dogs- a hyperactive Jack Russell included-- and then went home to Zzz and play com games.
Wednesday and Thursday I was coughing and sneezing, but took some medicine and panadol again, and then on thursday night Me and xiang went to the doctor cuz we both can't take it anymore. Sigh. The doc gave us almost the same medicine, so after dinner of porridge we 2 sick loonies sat at the table and took our pills and cough syrup. Out of the 4 types of medicines prescribed,3 made me super drowsy. And its not 1 tablet, but TWO of each type so this morning i had a super super hard time getting out of bed. I felt likei was walking on clouds, and my feet seem to sway.. or was it just my vision swaying? But i went to the cat shelther anyway, and cleaned their little cages. And the cats kept grabbing my hair. sigh. Once i got home i took the medicine and went to sleep... WOke up at 8pm for dinner and i was.so.dead.tired.i could have just smacked my face into the rice. Zzzzz
Mama say the medicine is too strong.. So im gonna cut back the dosage.. else i think i will just go into coma. haha.. ARGH IM SO SLEEPY.
Took my temperature on Monday night. 37.9 C. Nick took one look at my thermometer and started making a lot of noise.. even in the bathroom i caught words such as 'quarantine', "H1N1", "spread germs".... >.< SO i took 2 panadols and went to sleep.Woke up on tuesday morning feeling good enough to walk the dogs- a hyperactive Jack Russell included-- and then went home to Zzz and play com games.
Wednesday and Thursday I was coughing and sneezing, but took some medicine and panadol again, and then on thursday night Me and xiang went to the doctor cuz we both can't take it anymore. Sigh. The doc gave us almost the same medicine, so after dinner of porridge we 2 sick loonies sat at the table and took our pills and cough syrup. Out of the 4 types of medicines prescribed,3 made me super drowsy. And its not 1 tablet, but TWO of each type so this morning i had a super super hard time getting out of bed. I felt likei was walking on clouds, and my feet seem to sway.. or was it just my vision swaying? But i went to the cat shelther anyway, and cleaned their little cages. And the cats kept grabbing my hair. sigh. Once i got home i took the medicine and went to sleep... WOke up at 8pm for dinner and i was.so.dead.tired.i could have just smacked my face into the rice. Zzzzz
Mama say the medicine is too strong.. So im gonna cut back the dosage.. else i think i will just go into coma. haha.. ARGH IM SO SLEEPY.
Monday, July 6, 2009
its a cold cold night
its so cold now... been raining the whole day while yesterday was once damn bloody hot day. No wonder people are falling sick.. Xiang is down with cough and headaches, and after tuition with nick and hanging around, xiang the super infecter has successfully passed the germs to me and nick. Lols.. SO now im smelling the very strong scent of ginger in the room, cuz mama rubbed some himalayan balm on nick to soothe his sneezes.And he smells like he bathed and soaked in 10kg worth of ginger =( AND he sleeps just inches away from me so i guess i'll smell like a ginger duck in the morning too..bleagh.
We had sushi and udon today for dinner.We made it ourselves! that persistent nick insists he MUST have his sushi so though it was pouring and cold, sick little xiang and a very grouchy duck went out with him to Cold storage to buy the ingredients. Ma gave us $50 to spend and we used $60 instead.. Gulp! ah well at least we had fun getting our hands dirtied as we made our handrolls, gunkan and some severely out-of-shape seaweed rolls. heh heh.. and we had 4 different flavours of udon in one meal! super full now.. ah xiang only ate the udon cuz the rice had vinegar in it. lol.. he is ultra sensitive to the smell of the sushi-rice.. and despite me and mummy urging him to try one, ah xiang just won't let one grain of that rice get near his mouth.. haha..nick the little king proclaimed himself the chef and used up the whole pot of rice and packet of seaweed >.< some chef.. who left his sister and her bf in the kitchen to prepare the ingredients for him >.o grrr.. naughty boy..
me and xiang went to the spca yesterday and im so happy to see xiang playing with the doggies =) poor him, kena scratched by one of the dogs and his slipper chewed on. Lucky no damage was done, phew! i think he's getting better with the doggies; some actually listen to his commands! lol lol.. i can;t wait for tuesday.. gonna walk the dogs again!
We had sushi and udon today for dinner.We made it ourselves! that persistent nick insists he MUST have his sushi so though it was pouring and cold, sick little xiang and a very grouchy duck went out with him to Cold storage to buy the ingredients. Ma gave us $50 to spend and we used $60 instead.. Gulp! ah well at least we had fun getting our hands dirtied as we made our handrolls, gunkan and some severely out-of-shape seaweed rolls. heh heh.. and we had 4 different flavours of udon in one meal! super full now.. ah xiang only ate the udon cuz the rice had vinegar in it. lol.. he is ultra sensitive to the smell of the sushi-rice.. and despite me and mummy urging him to try one, ah xiang just won't let one grain of that rice get near his mouth.. haha..nick the little king proclaimed himself the chef and used up the whole pot of rice and packet of seaweed >.< some chef.. who left his sister and her bf in the kitchen to prepare the ingredients for him >.o grrr.. naughty boy..
me and xiang went to the spca yesterday and im so happy to see xiang playing with the doggies =) poor him, kena scratched by one of the dogs and his slipper chewed on. Lucky no damage was done, phew! i think he's getting better with the doggies; some actually listen to his commands! lol lol.. i can;t wait for tuesday.. gonna walk the dogs again!
Friday, July 3, 2009
=/
Im such a scatterbrain. My thoughts are alllll over the place and there seems to be a million gazillion things i wanna do but can't seem to find the energy to do them.Gah. Sigh.. Im so bored.. and I dread going back to school. The sch's admin system has been cheerfully sending me reminders--all starting with 'welcome back to school!' or worse, 'Hi!Blah blah..."-- -.- since when does a computer say hi to you? Haiz. Bidding starts Monday and i have yet to decide what courses i wanna do. BUt first i neeed to find my allies. Can't imagine attending lessons with no one to bitch with(guys included) but since most people are in business course... =(
I dunno wad to make do with my last month before school. Part of me wants to secretly book another trip to bintan or tioman and get stung by jellyfish or swept away by the july tides. Maybe then i'll have a legitimate excuse not to return to school. =(
I think... I'll just go into recluse.Build my little lala-land somewhere and day dream there. Ha ha ha.
I've been thinking an awful lot lately, and sometimes I wonder if I depend too much on others for entertainment. Not in the I-am-making-use-of-you-to-pass-my-living-time-on-earth kind of meaning but in the sense that without close ones around, I start to feel unfunctionable. Have you ever felt like you want to go out for an ice-cream or a movie that you die-die wanna watch, but just because the person you wanna go out with can't make it or declines( usually in a too-polite manner), you just discard the idea of going out altogether and mop around like a loser at home? I guess its normal once in a while, but some bell at the back of my head starts ringing when the situation props out once too often. Com'on gurl, are you sooo that dependant that you can't get out of the house to pamper yourself??
Sometimes, I think i need to learn to survive without others without getting severely depressed. It just washed upon me that relationships don't often last as long as you want them to be.Friends whom you thought would be just as close even when you become bo-gay and bald and fat and lumpy will just slip away silently without you knowing it. Its like gaining weight. A little more fried chicken at a meal, the bubble tea or chocolate crfeam puff you buy with guilt, telling yourself its just a tenny weeny treat that won't hurt. Before you know it, another inch appears, and stays pretty stubbornly at your waist.Urgh. It just takes a matter of weeks and months and then years, and suddenly one day you wonder what happened that made you in the sorry state you are today. And as you get all self-pitying and whiny, you rake up plans to get things back the way they used to be originally, but....somehow you can never NEVER get it back 100%. It won't take you long to realise that some things in life are just irreversible, relationships especially. Friendships, love-love relationships, kinship... oh, and even your weight if i have to say it. Try Marie france or Mary chia for 3 months, get happy and once you're off the program, you go back to Ms.Fatty jeans. Plus, do you seriously feel happy that you lost water weight thanks to the so-called wonder machines and liposuction etc etc?
Bleagh. Maybe im being too pessimistic today. But i do think I have issues. Maybe thats why i signing up for so many sessions with the SPCA. I can almost have a heart-to-heart chat with my resident favourites. And best of all, I won't be judged. The most i get are scratches and growls, which can be inferred as anything from "im hungry, get me some food dammit!" or, 'you're stepping on my tail fatso!".
And i think i can live with that perfectly.
I dunno wad to make do with my last month before school. Part of me wants to secretly book another trip to bintan or tioman and get stung by jellyfish or swept away by the july tides. Maybe then i'll have a legitimate excuse not to return to school. =(
I think... I'll just go into recluse.Build my little lala-land somewhere and day dream there. Ha ha ha.
I've been thinking an awful lot lately, and sometimes I wonder if I depend too much on others for entertainment. Not in the I-am-making-use-of-you-to-pass-my-living-time-on-earth kind of meaning but in the sense that without close ones around, I start to feel unfunctionable. Have you ever felt like you want to go out for an ice-cream or a movie that you die-die wanna watch, but just because the person you wanna go out with can't make it or declines( usually in a too-polite manner), you just discard the idea of going out altogether and mop around like a loser at home? I guess its normal once in a while, but some bell at the back of my head starts ringing when the situation props out once too often. Com'on gurl, are you sooo that dependant that you can't get out of the house to pamper yourself??
Sometimes, I think i need to learn to survive without others without getting severely depressed. It just washed upon me that relationships don't often last as long as you want them to be.Friends whom you thought would be just as close even when you become bo-gay and bald and fat and lumpy will just slip away silently without you knowing it. Its like gaining weight. A little more fried chicken at a meal, the bubble tea or chocolate crfeam puff you buy with guilt, telling yourself its just a tenny weeny treat that won't hurt. Before you know it, another inch appears, and stays pretty stubbornly at your waist.Urgh. It just takes a matter of weeks and months and then years, and suddenly one day you wonder what happened that made you in the sorry state you are today. And as you get all self-pitying and whiny, you rake up plans to get things back the way they used to be originally, but....somehow you can never NEVER get it back 100%. It won't take you long to realise that some things in life are just irreversible, relationships especially. Friendships, love-love relationships, kinship... oh, and even your weight if i have to say it. Try Marie france or Mary chia for 3 months, get happy and once you're off the program, you go back to Ms.Fatty jeans. Plus, do you seriously feel happy that you lost water weight thanks to the so-called wonder machines and liposuction etc etc?
Bleagh. Maybe im being too pessimistic today. But i do think I have issues. Maybe thats why i signing up for so many sessions with the SPCA. I can almost have a heart-to-heart chat with my resident favourites. And best of all, I won't be judged. The most i get are scratches and growls, which can be inferred as anything from "im hungry, get me some food dammit!" or, 'you're stepping on my tail fatso!".
And i think i can live with that perfectly.
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