=/

Im such a scatterbrain. My thoughts are alllll over the place and there seems to be a million gazillion things i wanna do but can't seem to find the energy to do them.Gah. Sigh.. Im so bored.. and I dread going back to school. The sch's admin system has been cheerfully sending me reminders--all starting with 'welcome back to school!' or worse, 'Hi!Blah blah..."-- -.- since when does a computer say hi to you? Haiz. Bidding starts Monday and i have yet to decide what courses i wanna do. BUt first i neeed to find my allies. Can't imagine attending lessons with no one to bitch with(guys included) but since most people are in business course... =(

I dunno wad to make do with my last month before school. Part of me wants to secretly book another trip to bintan or tioman and get stung by jellyfish or swept away by the july tides. Maybe then i'll have a legitimate excuse not to return to school. =(

I think... I'll just go into recluse.Build my little lala-land somewhere and day dream there. Ha ha ha.

I've been thinking an awful lot lately, and sometimes I wonder if I depend too much on others for entertainment. Not in the I-am-making-use-of-you-to-pass-my-living-time-on-earth kind of meaning but in the sense that without close ones around, I start to feel unfunctionable. Have you ever felt like you want to go out for an ice-cream or a movie that you die-die wanna watch, but just because the person you wanna go out with can't make it or declines( usually in a too-polite manner), you just discard the idea of going out altogether and mop around like a loser at home? I guess its normal once in a while, but some bell at the back of my head starts ringing when the situation props out once too often. Com'on gurl, are you sooo that dependant that you can't get out of the house to pamper yourself??

Sometimes, I think i need to learn to survive without others without getting severely depressed. It just washed upon me that relationships don't often last as long as you want them to be.Friends whom you thought would be just as close even when you become bo-gay and bald and fat and lumpy will just slip away silently without you knowing it. Its like gaining weight. A little more fried chicken at a meal, the bubble tea or chocolate crfeam puff you buy with guilt, telling yourself its just a tenny weeny treat that won't hurt. Before you know it, another inch appears, and stays pretty stubbornly at your waist.Urgh. It just takes a matter of weeks and months and then years, and suddenly one day you wonder what happened that made you in the sorry state you are today. And as you get all self-pitying and whiny, you rake up plans to get things back the way they used to be originally, but....somehow you can never NEVER get it back 100%. It won't take you long to realise that some things in life are just irreversible, relationships especially. Friendships, love-love relationships, kinship... oh, and even your weight if i have to say it. Try Marie france or Mary chia for 3 months, get happy and once you're off the program, you go back to Ms.Fatty jeans. Plus, do you seriously feel happy that you lost water weight thanks to the so-called wonder machines and liposuction etc etc?

Bleagh. Maybe im being too pessimistic today. But i do think I have issues. Maybe thats why i signing up for so many sessions with the SPCA. I can almost have a heart-to-heart chat with my resident favourites. And best of all, I won't be judged. The most i get are scratches and growls, which can be inferred as anything from "im hungry, get me some food dammit!" or, 'you're stepping on my tail fatso!".

And i think i can live with that perfectly.